Five to Seventeen
Poem by Rae Anwar
five to seventeen.
i went to a new café at six thirty a.m.
took a gulp of my dad’s black coffee when i was five
and swore i would never touch it again.
now a morning necessity.
worries aren’t real when you are a kid.
they are a distant thing. an adult thing.
you know they are there but you don’t go near them.
eventually they find you.
little brother is two years younger
but a foot over my head.
we used to look like twins.
maybe caffeine stunted my growth.
i was happiest when i was five.
old bay, cold custard.
i left my childhood in my old home.
i never thought i would be the new kid.
someone else, not me.
hiding my face. closing my mouth.
acting five, but not as happy.
i only like my eyes when the sun hits them.
i only miss home when i look back.
i have memories that flicker in a corner of my mind,
dim but still alive.
kicking a purple soccer ball through tall itchy grass.
salt water, sand, sunlight.
burning up my eyes.
most people talk more than they think.
i think more than i talk.
never the loud voice.
always someone else.
today i am seventeen, and i get one wish.
i wish i was as carefree
as when i was five.
Rae Anwar is a Low Caliber co-founder. She is currently studying communications and art. In her free time, Rae likes to take photos and drink coffee. You can find her photos @raeanwarphoto