Five to Seventeen

Poem by Rae Anwar

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9.5.17

 dancing queen,

five to seventeen.

i went to a new café at six thirty a.m.

took a gulp of my dad’s black coffee when i was five

and swore i would never touch it again.

now a morning necessity.

worries aren’t real when you are a kid.

they are a distant thing. an adult thing.

you know they are there but you don’t go near them.

eventually they find you.

little brother is two years younger

but a foot over my head.                        

we used to look like twins.

maybe caffeine stunted my growth.

i was happiest when i was five.

old bay, cold custard.

i left my childhood in my old home.

i never thought i would be the new kid.

someone else, not me.

hiding my face. closing my mouth.

acting five, but not as happy.

i only like my eyes when the sun hits them.

i only miss home when i look back.

i have memories that flicker in a corner of my mind,

dim but still alive.

kicking a purple soccer ball through tall itchy grass.

salt water, sand, sunlight.

burning up my eyes.

most people talk more than they think.

i think more than i talk.

never the loud voice.

always someone else.

not me.

today i am seventeen, and i get one wish.

i wish i was as carefree

and loud

and happy

as when i was five.

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Rae Anwar is a Low Caliber co-founder. She is currently studying communications and art. In her free time, Rae likes to take photos and drink coffee. You can find her photos @raeanwarphoto